The weirdest thing happened. Although Levi is so much better now and that means more sleep and a more relaxed pace for all of us, I feel more and more in a low mood.
Like the after-effects of this period of not doing much for the soul finally get to the surface.
I know first hand that letting yourself take a dip in the nostalgia river subtly takes you to depression lake and you don’t even know when that happens. So when I feel low on morale, I do my best to not succumb to the invite that calls: “It’s ok to be a tiny bit sad, you’ve been through a lot”.
Because you know what happens? Sad thoughts never come alone. They have friends who have friends, who have more friends. And they make for a party troop that’s hard to get out of the house after a while.
It’s so subtle when it happens and so hard to get the low frequency thoughts out.
I’m not talking about avoiding the negative emotions. I’m talking about the time when the mind starts creating movies of it’s own about stuff.
So I do my best to focus on good things. On the things I like. To be present in every move I make. On Levi’s so sweet smile when he is happy and how happiness looks like in his eyes. How sweet Alex is when he sleeps and how lucky I am to have him by my side.
It’s always easy to keep a positive note because I don’t end up doing what I want a lot of times.
Choosing my thoughts it’s a challenge: what I allow to continue, what serves me, what does not.
Sometimes when I’m mad at someone all I want is to have an argument with them inside my head, while wishing I did not have to interact with them again in real life.
But that only helps buildup anger and hard feelings.