Log 34 of the search for life meaning quest

Today was again a food revelation kind of day.

This morning when we were going to the parking lot to drive to kindergarten and work, we passed by the car that picks up the garbage from the complex. And the smell….well, it was like always, sinister.

Which got me thinking again, after yesterday’s reflections over what we do with our health in the big picture. Let me explain.

I got to think that all that smelly stuff went to a landfill where it pollutes the soil, the water system within the ground, which then affects the food we eat.

I got to thinking even further about food and garbage: why do our bodies smell like they do and why we need to use a deodorant full of toxic stuff every day to not smell in public like the aforementioned car that takes the garbage? Or why our mouths smell equally bad in the morning and we need to “refresh” to make it go away?

I know we’ve been doing this since forever I can remember and this is how things are done. But, I can’t help myself to ask why. More to the point, why does it have to be like this.

If my body smells like that on the inside, it means that what’s inside my body is not Ok. Putting perfumed stuff to make it smell pretty sound quite a lot like the stories of the French a few hundreds of years ago, covering lack of bath with nice smelling stuff.

So, as food becomes a part of us,  and this happens in the most physical sense there is, this leads me to thinking next about what I do want to be made of? And I admit, I’ve never seriously thought about this perspective before. Without switching to some other thought after a few seconds when it becomes uncomfortable to consider it anymore. Do I want to be made of animals raised in awful conditions with hormones, of plants full of pesticide, of chemical aromas and plastic? The answer is obvious. However… as easy it is to say “of course not”, the decision to break free of the cycle poses challenges.

Mostly because a lot of times I don’t know what to do to change things. What is actually good? On top of that, the comfortable and the known are hard to be changed. Not to mention easily accessible.

But looking at how I want my life to be, I must admit that I can’t ignore much longer that what I’m currently doing for my health does not serve me to get the kind of quality of life I want to maintain in my later years.

Awareness is the first step they say. Because after you consciously accept something, you can’t go back to thinking in the same way as before.

Next is research and action. On which I will come back with my findings.

On travel: Next week I’m going to Tunisia with work. This is going to be a new adventure as I’ve never visited this part before.

Log 33 of the search for life meaning quest

Article that I should have posted yesterday after Levi fell asleep, but got so sleepy myself that I decided to hit the pillow:

Yesterday (Saturday) I’ve been at a friend’s birthday and had one too many glasses of wine and ate more than I regularly do.

I had a lot of fun then, but in a predictable manner, by body was not really feeling particularly friendly the next morning.

So I got (again) to ask myself: why does one do things that they consciously know are not good for them, when there will be consequences, and they do it anyway? It’s a good reflection to have.

I decided a long time ago that I want to be able to care for myself all my life and that the last part of my life is not going to be a painful zone full of regrets.

I’ve seen enough people that ask me what else there is to life if you don’t eat/drink what you like when I open the subject. The answer is that I don’t know the solution for another, but there should definitely be something, because this road doesn’t really go somewhere nice. I’ve observed a lot of people who don’t die from a quick death, but their health declines for years before the end comes and it’s not pretty for anyone involved.

I was discussing with Alex yesterday, before the feast, what we should do about it. And how there needs to be a way to get to the finish line but and not suffer like a dog in the process.  So this is what I came with:

  • Eat more healthy&drink the 2l/day water. What we like to eat is programmed in our brain. Since all over the globe people eat so differently, it should mean that we can program ourselves to like what makes us feel good. It’s nice in theory, but de-programming old habits and things of comfort is sometimes a herculean job. Don’t I know it 😁
  • Practice a form of exercise that promotes flexibility: like ballet, yoga, dance. I’ve seen that the old people’s body gets rigid and this affects the ability to move easily – so starting early with taking care of flexibility is a must for me. I’ve given this up after becoming a parent, due to the hectic schedule and it’s high time to put it back.
  • Take good care of the teeth – teeth are so so important in regard to our ability to enjoy food, talk and maintain the youthful aspect of the face. Not to mention that artificial teeth cost a small fortune with which I’d rather travel. So, I need to get into my head more the healthy eating part, regular visits to the dentist to be proactive with any things that might appear.
  • Take care of the mind. This is one of the most important. No life can have quality if the mind is in the sorrow pit. This means having a good coach or therapist to guide you through tough times. In our country, a therapist is still seen like something only crazy people go for, but my take on this is that one needs to go see a specialist for the mind in the same way one does their yearly medical investigations. Just because the problems of the mind are not so visible as the problems of the body, it does not mean one should handle them on their own.
  • Work until I die. I don’t know about others, but I don’t see myself retiring and waiting for the money from the government to come. I think that if a person does not have an activity, a business they love, so they are involved with the world, it’s very easy to go into loneliness and depression and the state of health declines.

So today’s post was about me needing to look at the bigger picture of life again and how I want it to unfold in the health department. I kept thinking that at some point I need to put an end to: “it’s Ok, it was just once” and remember that I’ve been saying this for way too long time. 😁

Log 31 of the search for life meaning journey

Here is me overcoming procrastination and writing on two consecutive days in a row. Cheers to that!

These days, these subjects preoccupy my mind the most:

  1. Producing less trash and recycling for a sustainable future
  2. Traveling the world with Alex and Levi
  3. Meeting people that share my interests
  4. Helping causes I believe in
  5. Building a business besides my office job

In random order.

On travel:  A few of you might know that, about a year and a half ago we moved into a bigger apartment: a 4 rooms one. Unfortunately, that came with a price tag with a lot of zeros attached and the loan for it, together with the one for the car manages to erode our finances big time. We are not living a bad life, don’t get me wrong, but we are missing a lot of adventures and bonding time while traveling the world together that can’t be replaced with anything else.

We are considering (I came up with the idea and now we’re evaluating it) to move back to our 2 rooms apartment, sell this one and use the money (and lack of loans) to live our life, see the world while also saving up for our son’s studies and a fund for our old days.

It’s complicated actually. And each choice has it’s advantages and disadvantages.

On one hand, it’s good to have an apartment that will increase in value over time. And the extra space brings comfort, the area is good, there is parking space. On the other hand, these years of bonding with our son over adventures, seeing the world and opening our minds and hearts together in this process – will not come back. And staying at home together is not the same – I’ve seen it enough to know the huge difference.

And I think that either way we’ll choose, in the end, we’ll feel like we’ve missed on something. Now it’s just important to try and figure out which way the balance goes.

On parenting: Levi and I starting having actual conversations (like wow!). We talk about what he did at kindergarten, what I did at work, what he liked most about his day, what I liked most about mine, what each of us ate.

It’s quite fascinating to get a sneak peak into this side of his world he has when he’s away. And it’s fascinating to get a sneak peak into his thoughts and feelings.





Log 30 of the search for life meaning journey

I found myself again in my habit of procrastination. Although this “should be daily logging” helps me tremendously put my mind in order, observe myself and evolve, I can’t seem to be holding on to it.

Procrastination and I are, as you may imagine,  not new acquaintances. I saw that I had the tendency to leave things to the last minute and even though I have the habit of leaving an impeccable work behind, this way of doing things add lots of stress in the equation. So I think I’ll need to add a performance indicator about this too 🙂 Because once I start the writing, I love it so much! but until I get to that….

On making healthier choices:

Just before we left the house the 3 of us took some immunity treatment based on bee products.

This morning I ate a cheese pastry with a looong plain espresso so I’m having a lot of water after. I have a few days since I want to find something healthier to eat in the mornings.

Had a cooked veggie plus raw salad lunch, another coffee and plenty of water.

I think I do my 2 liters before leaving work.

On travel:  this weekend I’ve been the godmother to the wedding of my dear dear friend Simona (17 years of friendship – seems like forever!) and her lovely husband Alex which happened in another town, Ramnicu-Valcea. We’ve stayed at the only museum hotel in the country and this place was fascinating. Pieces of art like paintings and statues were everywhere from the reception, to the halls and the rooms. And there is an equally beautiful park just outside. It’s called Grand-Hotel Sofianu – totally recommend.

I got myself some pretty cool pictures for memories from this wedding. Like this one here with my lovely rented dress from dresscod.

On becoming a better parent: I don’t know how, but I feel I have a better relationship with my kiddo.  I also remained behind on the parenting course  by Urania Cremene, that helped me a lot to better understand the psychology of children and people in general – so resuming is on the to-do list.

On finding life meaning:  At this point in time, traveling with Alex and Levi helps me bring most sense in everything. I would love to be able to take a year off and travel with them around the world. I feel I really need this. Still thinking how to make this happen.

On producing less trash: I’ve done a lot of things to reduce my trash print, but some things still seem to elude me: like how to have clean water that you are safe to give to your 3 years old, while traveling and which does not come from a plastic bottle?

So far I’ve managed this:

  • I take my Ikea glass bowls with me to buy lunch and ask the server to put my to do meal in there.
  • I use a menstrual cup and reusable pads
  • I use solid soap, usually in paper packaging instead of plastic liquid soap
  • I don’t use make up and my face thanks me for it. I recently also gave up the cleanser and toner, because using a cotton pad every day sensitized my skin. I now wash my face with plain cold water and my face is much happier. And no longer so dry. Before, I had to take some cream with my because in the afternoon my face would become so dry that it felt it shrank a number. Now I’m perfectly comfortable until my night cream moment. So less pads, less toner and less cleanser in the trash. Not to mention the more money in my pocket thing and those guys were not cheap.
  • I use organic detergents and house cleansers which gives us less chemicals to process through our bodies and less chemicals that pollute the water and soil.
  • I buy from the farmers market as much as I can and do my best not to forget to bring my own bag with me when doing that, so I can refuse the plastic one they offer.
  • I have a 750 ml glass bottle on my desk for my daily water intake.
  • We use a quite fancy water filter at home to avoid bottled water
  • I use rental services or things borrowed from friends for events attire that I know I won’t be able to wear more than once or twice.

Looking at it, it doesn’t seem bad at all, but there are still a lot of things to do.

See you tomorrow.



Log 30 of the search for meaning quest

Getting back from holiday and going back to the schedule I left, is pretty tough.

I keep getting across blogs and blog posts about people that took a year or more to travel the world and I find myself wanting more and more to do the same.

I feel the need to have that freedom, that adventure, to taste the world in this different and thrilling way.

I am grateful for the job I have, and the people I have in my life but I still pin for something “crazy” like this.

I ate a cheese pastry today while thinking about all this. What is really important in life? What risks are worth taking and which not? And how would it feel and be if we took on doing something like this?

This blog really stuck with me.

Log 28 of the quest to finding meaning – Trip to Europe

Hi guys and gals,

Today I’m continuing the story on my trip to Europe:

Day 5: Ljubljana

We woke up and had a small breakfast in the Jewish neighborhood. Then headed to our next destination: Ljubljana. This was the longest drive so far: 4:18 minutes and we had terrible traffic which prolonged the journey even more.

I stayed with Levi in the back of the car and we played and red books and was amazed about how adaptive my little one was to all the tiredness this long drive brought. It also tested my own limits by having to entertain him for so much time with little resources without taking pause for myself.

But, I adapted, and it got easier after a while. Continue reading

Log 27 of the quest to finding meaning – Trip to Europe

Our trip to Europe has come to an end. I feel that I could travel like this indefinitely – it was nothing short of amazing. Not only because of the places we got to discover, but also because travelling bonds you as a family even more. And because it’s a nice way to live. 🙂

I wanted to log our adventures on a daily basis, but we ended up doing so many things every day that by the time Levi finally went to sleep, my mind was blank and just wanted to hit the pillow and do nothing else.

So now, that I’m back, I can finally resume my writing.

I will mark down here all the places I loved so I can keep a record for later.

We started our journey on August 15, on a Wednesday. Continue reading

Log 25 of the search for meaning quest

On meaning: I found a book in my Kobo books suggestions called “The Surrender Experiment”: about a guy who decided to “let go of personal preferences and simply let life call the shots”. That sounds interesting. Just going with the flow of things, without fighting to get one specific way towards what I want to achieve.

I think I’ll try this new experiment in the following period and see how it goes: just accept what life throws at me and grow from that experience and see where life takes me if I let her take control – rather than me trying to control everything everyday. I feel it’s gonna be challenging and also liberating in many ways.

It’s also high time I make a review on my monthly goals and yearly goals. Continue reading

Log 24 of the search for meaning quest

This morning started with a new round of challenges on quitting the negative mind chatter.

But also with a new discovery. I finished reading last night the 4th book of Orson Scott Card’s Ender series: Children of the Mind. And there was a part, a discussion between 2 characters who thought their planet was to be destructed. They talked about death, about people enjoying the journey of being human and pretty much summed up a very good description of life meaning: Here it is:

“[…] What difference does it make then, the ones of us who had plans, what does it matter the work we’ve done? The children we’ve raised?” He looked pointedly at Olhado. “What will it matter then, that you have such a big happy family, if you’re all erased in one instant by that….bomb?”

“Not one moment of my life with my family has been wasted,” said Olhado quietly.

“But the point is to go on, isn’t it?” To connect with the future?”

“That’s one part, yes” said Olhado. “But part of the purpose is now, is the moment. And part of it is the web of connections. Links from soul to soul. If the purpose of life was just to continue into the future, then none of it would have meaning, because it would be all anticipation and preparation. There’s fruition Grego. There’s the happiness we’ve already had. The happiness of each moment. The end of our lives, even if there’s no forward continuation, no progeny at all, the end of our lives doesn’t erase the beginning”. Continue reading