I think one of the most important thoughts of today was related to food. I discovered that for a lot of time I had food guilt. I wish to eat a lot of stuff, but each time such a desire came in, an internal dialogue started right away: “Ow, I should not be eating that, it’s not healthy” or “It will make me fat, I haven’t yet lost so much weight as to afford to eat THAT”. This internal chastising is been going on for years, I can’t actually remember the time where I ate without a care in the world. It must have been childhood.
I do know a bit about healthy eating, food combinations and what effect the food has in my body. The question however, was how to get out of the internal chastising about food loop.
So I took a bit of time to observe by feelings. I noticed that most of the time eating in my case is emotional. When I am angry or upset about something, I want to eat. When I am anxious, stressed , I want to eat. When I am really tired after a day of work, I would have some beer or a glass of wine. Even combined with popcorn. While I eat a balanced vegetarian diet with fresh fruits and veggies the rest of the time, these unbalances do take their toll.
Because I am not fan of cooking (to put it mildly) and Alex isn’t either, we often have a bit of stress over what choice of food to have next, where to get it from, how to produce less trash. I get to think quite a bit about how would it be if I didn’t have to eat. And you know what always comes back to me? That I need so much less food that I now eat. But then, what would I do with all that free time? How would I treat those moments of emotion that have been pre-programed to request for food? How could something that is so much ingrained in my brain be replaced? And with what? And what would I do on social contexts? Food for thought, heh.
So, to sum it up:
On travel: Next week I’m leaving for Paris to prepare the ISO Audit with the subsidiary there. Can’t wait. I also have my new employee and colleague with me and it’s a great time to bond.
On parenting: Levi is growing, and it seems to become easier somehow. Not all the times, but most of the times. I love him so much. And Alex too. I think we also become better at this. Missed doing the parenting courses lately and we both need to resume. But other than that, it’s an amazing discovery to see how a tiny human grows. I try not to think about how he’ll be when he grows up, what he’ll do. I just let him unfold and try to support him along the way. It’s seems it’s going good so far.
On throwing less trash: This one has not being going quite as good as I hoped. I still have a great deal of food I love, or certain products, that come in plastic. Like my fav stuffed bio pasta.
Thank you for reading :*