Log 38 of daily life meaning

I think one of the most important thoughts of today was related to food. I discovered that for a lot of time I had food guilt. I wish to eat a lot of stuff, but each time such a desire came in, an internal dialogue started right away: “Ow, I should not be eating that, it’s not healthy” or “It will make me fat, I haven’t yet lost so much weight as to afford to eat THAT”. This internal chastising is been going on for years, I can’t actually remember the time where I ate without a care in the world. It must have been childhood.

I do know a bit about healthy eating, food combinations and what effect the food has in my body. The question however, was how to get out of the internal chastising about food loop.

So I took a bit of time to observe by feelings. I noticed that most of the time eating in my case is emotional. When I am angry or upset about something, I want to eat. When I am anxious, stressed , I want to eat. When I am really tired after a day of work, I would have some beer or a glass of wine. Even combined with popcorn. While I eat a balanced vegetarian diet with fresh fruits and veggies the rest of the time, these unbalances do take their toll.

Because I am not fan of cooking (to put it mildly) and Alex isn’t either, we often have a bit of stress over what choice of food to have next, where to get it from, how to produce less trash. I get to think quite a bit about how would it be if I didn’t have to eat. And you know what always comes back to me? That I need so much less food that I now eat. But then, what would I do with all that free time? How would I treat those moments of emotion that have been pre-programed to request for food? How could something that is so much ingrained in my brain be replaced? And with what? And what would I do on social contexts? Food for thought, heh.

So, to sum it up:

On travel: Next week I’m leaving for Paris to prepare the ISO Audit with the subsidiary there. Can’t wait. I also have my new employee and colleague with me and it’s a great time to bond.

On parenting: Levi is growing, and it seems to become easier somehow. Not all the times, but most of the times. I love him so much. And Alex too. I think we also become better at this. Missed doing the parenting courses lately and we both need to resume. But other than that, it’s an amazing discovery to see how a tiny human grows. I try not to think about how he’ll be when he grows up, what he’ll do. I just let him unfold and try to support him along the way. It’s seems it’s going good so far.

On throwing less trash: This one has not being going quite as good as I hoped. I still have a great deal of food I love, or certain products, that come in plastic. Like my fav stuffed bio pasta.

Thank you for reading :*

Log 34 of the search for life meaning quest

Today was again a food revelation kind of day.

This morning when we were going to the parking lot to drive to kindergarten and work, we passed by the car that picks up the garbage from the complex. And the smell….well, it was like always, sinister.

Which got me thinking again, after yesterday’s reflections over what we do with our health in the big picture. Let me explain.

I got to think that all that smelly stuff went to a landfill where it pollutes the soil, the water system within the ground, which then affects the food we eat.

I got to thinking even further about food and garbage: why do our bodies smell like they do and why we need to use a deodorant full of toxic stuff every day to not smell in public like the aforementioned car that takes the garbage? Or why our mouths smell equally bad in the morning and we need to “refresh” to make it go away?

I know we’ve been doing this since forever I can remember and this is how things are done. But, I can’t help myself to ask why. More to the point, why does it have to be like this.

If my body smells like that on the inside, it means that what’s inside my body is not Ok. Putting perfumed stuff to make it smell pretty sound quite a lot like the stories of the French a few hundreds of years ago, covering lack of bath with nice smelling stuff.

So, as food becomes a part of us,  and this happens in the most physical sense there is, this leads me to thinking next about what I do want to be made of? And I admit, I’ve never seriously thought about this perspective before. Without switching to some other thought after a few seconds when it becomes uncomfortable to consider it anymore. Do I want to be made of animals raised in awful conditions with hormones, of plants full of pesticide, of chemical aromas and plastic? The answer is obvious. However… as easy it is to say “of course not”, the decision to break free of the cycle poses challenges.

Mostly because a lot of times I don’t know what to do to change things. What is actually good? On top of that, the comfortable and the known are hard to be changed. Not to mention easily accessible.

But looking at how I want my life to be, I must admit that I can’t ignore much longer that what I’m currently doing for my health does not serve me to get the kind of quality of life I want to maintain in my later years.

Awareness is the first step they say. Because after you consciously accept something, you can’t go back to thinking in the same way as before.

Next is research and action. On which I will come back with my findings.

On travel: Next week I’m going to Tunisia with work. This is going to be a new adventure as I’ve never visited this part before.